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One of the most ingenious acts and art of colonization is to hide truth in plain sight. This is achieved through languages and definitions. If the definition of a word is wrong, the true meaning of that word is lost, and we find ourselves in a needless circle of debates that yields no result.

Language is a powerful tool for communication, while definitions are equally important. Our philosophies, or thought patterns, stem from our understanding of words. One of the ways to effectively colonise a group of people is to change their language and (or) interpretation of words. This is achieved first by disconnecting them from the root or origin of a word and feeding in a new narrative using the same word, effectively changing the meaning of the word.

We notice this pattern throughout civilization, from the Babylonian empire down to the Roman dispensation; after each conquest of a territory, the language is altered. This show of dominance is to assert authority and control, spreading narratives that align with their intentions. That is why when seeking truth, we should carefully study to uncover the spirit or intent of the language and explore from there on.

Understanding a matter is the alignment of the subject with the spirit (or intent) behind it. This is evident in the courts, where the letter of the law might differ from the spirit of the law based on the sincerity of the lawyer or the goal to be achieved. A society could be derailed when the interpreters of the law are mischievous or lack adequate knowledge of a matter. One of the most abused words today based on wrong interpretations, though widely accepted, is love!

I believe the word love have wreaked more havoc in the world today than another word known to man, torn families apart, used as an excuse for some of the most hideous crimes in history, wars, murders, a source of grave manipulation, intense corruption, and many more. All these were possible because of the wrong definition and understanding of that word.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, love is “a very strong feeling of liking and caring for somebody/something, especially a member of your family or a friend. According to ChatGPT 3.5, “Love is an intense and profound emotional connection characterized by care, empathy, and deep affection towards another person or thing.”

Both definitions describe love as a feeling or emotional connection towards another causing an action, which might seem accurate, but what is the root of this feeling or emotion? Do you walk into a store, look at a woman and decide you love her because the her figure has sparked a feeling inside you or look at a dog walking down the road and decide you love it because your favourite colour is brown? What is the root of this passion? What is that passion directed at, and what flames this passion? Why is there so much passion in the early stages of relationships, and why does it gradually fade over time? Why do good friends become the worst enemies soon after? Does it mean that love dies?

Love, if not adequately explained, will be abused and used as a tool for manipulation, deceit, and bondage while thinking we are serving a good cause. People have killed and murdered others in the name of love; many more have taken their lives to prove their love; others have broken their homes, left loved ones, and isolated themselves because they needed to prove their love.

I do not have a foolproof definition of love, but through introspection and study, I believe we have gotten the definition of love wrong. I am proposing an alternative explanation for love.

“Love is not a feeling; love invokes feelings.” It is the anticipation of the manifestation of a vision that evokes that feeling and passion.

We can all agree that God is a God of love and has no evil (intent to harm) in Him. I believe that the originator of love is God Himself, and He showed us an example of what love is.

Why is God so interested in man and planet Earth? Especially when we are nothing (at the moment) close to Him in any way? We are flawed and corrupt at our best. We are nothing like Him and most times, full of evil thoughts and intentions. Why does He care so much and even bother about what becomes of us? What does lose if we all vanish into oblivion, never to be remembered? Absolutely nothing! No one can find Him, nor can question Him. Even if we find and question Him, our wisdom is dull compared to the one that created the universe. Then why does He bother with us?

He loves us! Not as we currently are now, but because of the potential we carry!  A potential we are unaware of. That is what He sees in every one of us that gives Him great joy and invokes the passion we see all around Him towards us. He looks beyond our flaws and sees us as beautiful as Himself! What we fail to realize as humans is that when God created us, He put a part of Himself inside of us with the capacity to grow and develop into His very same image and fullness. That image and fullness that He put in us is what Christians call Christ. So when God looks at you, He does not see you as you are now, He sees Christ (His fullness) in you. The fullness of Christ is Himself, that is why He cares so much about man and what happens to man even though man does not understand this yet.

God’s love for us is not for now but for the future which He sees. Everything He does to ensure that the future (Christ) He sees comes alive or manifested is called love. The wisdom He gives, His patience, His kindness, forgiveness, jealousy, power, food, shelter, discipline, healing etc are all a product of his love for us to reach His goal.

Herein lies the problem: God loves us because He sees a future we cannot see yet, and He is doing all He can to ensure we see this future with Him and walk with Him to guide us to this future. That is why we reject his love advances or take advantage of it. We abuse His kindness, patience, and generosity, complain, and murmur when He disciplines us, and sometimes, when He shows us the right way, we fight Him or outrightly reject Him.

It is clear that God loves us, but do we love ourselves? If we have a great future that is better and brighter than anything we can imagine; why do we reject it? Why do we try not to understand it or give it a thought when we consider our current state unfulfilling? The question again is “Do we love ourselves?”

Is it possible for one person to love us and we don’t love ourselves? Yes, it is possible not to love ourselves!

To say “I love God” is to see what He sees, or at least believe what He says, and subject yourself to His authority by cooperating with Him to achieve the objective. To fully love God, you must see what He says about you, believe in Him, and submit to Him. For two people to be in love, there must be a clear vision and an end goal bigger and better than the present. The journey towards that goal is the walk of intimacy. You cannot say you love God if you do not submit to His authority or see what He says about you.

Now, let’s talk about us humans. When a man tells a lady, “I Love you,” what does he mean? The first question should be, “What do you love about me?” This should mean “What is it about me that you see, although not apparent now”? His response should be unambiguous. He also needs to demonstrate the capacity to commit to propelling you to achieve that goal. If you are convinced by all he has said, the next question is, do you love yourself enough to want to be what he said you can be? I am not talking about buying a Lexus car or opening a boutique; I am referring to investing so much in you that you unleash your potential and be free to be your authentic self. He should not be threatened by your potential, but excited by it. The reward should be seeing you be the best version of yourself. Do you love yourself enough to want to be that person he sees in you?

Truthfully, some people do not love themselves and would rather stay in their state, blaming everyone and anything else for their lack of growth, seeking pity parties and handouts to get by. Why? It is easier and requires no effort or growth.

It is important to note that harbouring hate, anger, bitterness, malice, violence, lack of empathy and other such vices shows a lack of self-love. These attributes are barriers to any meaningful relationship and development. They cause strive and pain because they blur visions and invoke wrong emotions. No one can truly say I love myself if they have these emotions in themselves, and you cannot truly love someone if you do not love yourself.

You cannot say you love me if you do not see a future in me that is way better and bigger than where I am today. I cannot be truthful when I say I love you back if I am unwilling to walk with you to achieve that future. Intimacy is achieved when people agree on a future based on a vision towards a known destination. The daily walk towards that goal is the walk of intimacy. The patience, the care, the forgiveness, the kindness, the compromise, etc, all develop the intimacy process. These attributes are what are needed to sustain the journey. That process is what brings the two people together as one. You can see that love is not a feeling based on nothing, but on a future both parties see and agree to walk and work towards.

When people who do not understand this process see people in love or walking in love, they fail to understand the unseen walk and understanding that sustains them. They usually will try to enforce the same on their “supposed” loved ones, which brings about supression, bullying , control and fights. They see the sacrifice in other people, someone going the extra mile and demanding the same from their partner. They use these seen expressions as a yardstick for measuring “love”, hence the manipulation and deceit. Many people put on a daily show of affection to look like something they are not, to feel something that does not exist.

Love does not pressure; it comes from understanding. That is why people who walk in love can overcome anything together because there is a goal bigger than whatever force the present can throw at them.

You might have the right words and be very civil, but is your heart in the right place? Do you see a future to which you are committed that is not about you alone? You cannot say you love someone or yourself without the need or desire to constantly improve in all areas of your life because the area of  you refuse to improve on becomes an extra burden for the other person. Love naturally nutures growth, creativity and development.

Love is built on trust! Trust is built on vision. Without vision, there is no point in walking together.

You can see from this explanation that love can happen between two or more people irrespective of gender. Many people cringe when a man tells another man “I love you” because we have a very wrong definition of love. All expressions of love does not have to be erotic or romantic.

It is important to note that the explanation of love here has nothing to do with sexuality. We are talking about love in its undiluted form.

When someone tells you, “I love you,” make sure you ask the right question. The person saying I love you must also prove that they love themselves.